Your music or me: The Ultimate Ultimatum!

[SaNa]

Hello all. My guitar player, Vince, is getting married on Saturday May 10th, 2008. His bride to be supports him in his music and understands how important it is for him to play. I wish them 70+ years of marital bliss. This is a great occassion.

And, it got me to thinking about all the musicians I've met who had to leave their spouse because he/she didn't approve or they just stopped playing to keep the peace. Boy, that's gotta be tough. I just started playing 10 years ago. Can't imagine someone forcing me to quit. Maybe that's why I'm single. Ha!

Anyhow, how do you handle the ultimatum thing when it comes to your music? What are some of your horror stories? How were they resolved? What about your great stories? How did you manage to stay and play?

[Jeni Michelson, Vocal/Keys/Band Leader]

You know the musicians lifestyle is different on so many levels. We're working harder than anyone could imagine. We're exhausted after a gig not only because of the physical aspects of our job (who in the hell feels like partying or gettin' in trouble after some of these gigs?---geeez I can hardly walk...ha!), but emotionally as well (at least it kicks my ass most of the time). Music is the soundtrack to all our lives and it seriously effects all of us. You go through the whole range of emotions if you sang it or played it from your heart. It's powerful, healing, divisive, motivating, destructive, spiritual etc. We are sensitive, creative people and that takes a very special unselfish person to give you a wide berth of space, give up holidays, special occasions, weekends and such, yet be there gig after gig to give you the sincere feedback and support you need. Also, band members are not just co-employees like they might be in the "real-world", their serious family. The ties are stronger and I think that can be very intimidating to potential spouses. When my husband came on board this band wagon, there was already a gang of serious men in my life that he had to quickly get familiar with. After many bad experiments in dating, I wasn't sure he'd be up for the challenge, but you know...when the right person comes along....everything becomes easy. I like to think if he can handle this lifestyle, it's a pretty good litmus test for the long term installment plan.

[Jeni Michelson, Vocal/Keys/Band Leader]

My career got a very rough start because I had a very, very jealous boyfriend who threatened, intimidated and abused me when I would play in bars. He was a whack job, thank God I got out of that relationship with my life. I quit playing for about 5 years because of that situation and it makes me sad when I think of it. My husband of 15 years is my biggest fan. I have all the support I could possibly hope for, he's a true blessing. As a female band leader, I work with anywhere from 3-6 great looking, funny, intelligent guys every week and my husband has not one jealous bone in his body. Sometimes we go out for dinner after gigs, sometimes we don't get home till 4:00am.
We hug and kiss and he knows I love them all dearly. I always check in and let him know where I am but he doesn't "require" that of me. It's a beautiful thing to be able to pursue your dreams and have your partner support you....it opens all the creative channels.
I think that's the main reason that I am so happy and positive most of the time, I'm free to be me...unconditionally. It must be much harder for the guys...not only do they have to be breadwinners, support their families and keep late hours, they have women flinging themselves at them (I know they hate that!) :-) But seriously, God bless the spouses that get involved with us. They are the true hero's.